Just putting down some thoughts, advice and guidlines for our embattled brother. Kossaks please contribute in the comments yourself, but make sure you include the proper reference “brother” as much as possible.
Dear Brother Steve,
Brother, you’ve been a real barn-burnin’ phenomenon in Republican politics for a couple years. But now it’s all over, brother, misogyny and pedophilia just ain’t where it’s at these days! This was likely your last act in national politics. Brother, as I write this, not just the big R establishment (which we know you hate, want to overthrow, and blame for this loss), but also the regular rank and file “anti-establishment” Republicans think you’re a big, fat loser. What’s worse, the big guy will probably kick you to the curb now, as you have become a pedophile-peddlin’ albatross around his neck. He’s done worse to much bigger, more loyal kiss-asser than you! I wouldn’t be surprised if he blames your ass in a tweet before you even read this! You clearly fucked up big time, brother.
And this wasn’t even your first screw up, brother. You gave the “fake media” excuse after excuse to come after your boss. Remember how you tried to insert yourself into the national security council and it all blew up in Trump’s face? Remember when you were asked to resign from the administration because you were justifiably seen as a brown-shirt commander at the Unite the Right rally? That was your first strike. How much did that cost in terms of failed legislative initiatives? Remember how you “advised” Ed Gillispie right into political oblivion in a very winnable Virginia Gubernatorial race? Remember how you sold “Trumpian tactics” as a winning formula in Virginia? That was your home state brother, and it turns out you didn’t know shit! Your second strike. And now, this fiasco, costing a precious Senate seat and probably throwing Trump’s one measly legislative victory into doubt... this is your third and final strike.
But hey, brother, let’s review what you have accomplished, and you have accomplished a lot! You got a pro-choice democrat elected in deep red Alabama! Come on brother, a ham sandwich with an R next to it regularly outpolls any Democrat in this state. You got card-carrying lifelong Republicans denouncing your candidate on national media. That’s nothing short of amazing, brother!
Listen up brother. We know why you’re here to begin with. Yea, you specialize in losing candidates, but your name is relevant because of one thing and one thing only: Trump’s 2016 electoral victory. I know you’ve been riding that wave for as long as you can. I know you were the last remaining “you can do it, sir” voice in Trump’s ear, at a time when his own family had resigned to a loss. That’s loyalty he appreciated and rewarded, brother. We know this. But I’m here to tell you, it wasn’t you at all. Your coalition of Hitler-youth-meets-southern-good-ol-boys was never gonna work in Michigan and Wisconsin. Shit, it didn’t even work in Alabama! Yes, you managed to remain one of the few left standing at the ‘16 buzzer. But make no mistake, it wasn’t you who won it for Trump.
Trust me brother, your “Yankee schooled” brain wasn’t the winning ticket then or now. Honestly, brother, it’s not a surprise. I mean, WTF do you really know of majority-win elections? Your political instincts are of authoritarian populism. Your “grassroots” models are European white supremacist movements. It must really hurt, brother, knowing you and Breitbart couldn’t even stick it to the Republican establishment or the national media, but actually got owned by the likes of Terri Sewell, Charles Barkley and Corey Booker tonight.
Peace out brother.